Children experience an array of emotions when they find out their parents are getting a divorce. It is no different from what the adults feel yet they may not have all of the facts. This can result in children blaming themselves for the divorce. They will remember all of the times their parents had a conflict over them.
It is very important to talk openly with your children about the divorce. They need to know that they aren’t the cause of it. This will help them to have a very good sense of self-worth. Many children from divorced families end up with low self-esteem as they grow up being unsure of their role in all of it.
Each person needs to have their own self-identity, and that is even more so when the parents have gotten a divorce. Children need to be able to follow their own dreams and engage in activities that make them happy. Trying new experiences can also help them to cope with what is going on as well.
Every attempt should be made by both parents to keep some common things the same during the divorce. Children will recognize this and it helps them to get their footing back. Stability is very important for children to thrive. When you through in new family dynamics as well as living someplace new it can be very overwhelming.
It is very important for parents to encourage their children to talk openly about how the divorce is affecting them. Too many children hide what they truly feel as they don’t want to make things more difficult for the parents. They can see they are already hurting and they don’t want to compound that. Children can be very compassionate that way.
Yet it doesn’t help them as far as developing their own identity or with their self-esteem. Suppressing what is really going on inside of them can lead to depression and other problems for your child. They may learn to be what they feel others want them to be at the expense of being who it is that they really want to be. This is a struggle that they will find difficult to deal with.
The effects of a divorce are something that happens ongoing. They don’t just affect children when they are first told about what will be taking place. They are going to take their cues from the adults so make sure you offer a good example. Do your best to have a decent relationship with your soon to be ex-spouse if only for the sake of your children.
Encourage your children to do what is going to make them happy. At the same time, you need to do the same thing. You want to be able to fully recover from the effects of the divorce yourself. If you aren’t able to, you won’t be able to commit fully to the needs of your children.
Having good self-esteem is very important for a child. They will need it to have the desire to pursue their goals and their dreams. Knowing who you are and being proud of that is a big part of that. While you can’t shield your children from all of the negative emotions and burdens of a divorce you can help them to maintain those two things. Be willing to step into their shoes and see how things are going to affect them in the overall scheme of things.
There are too many adults out there right now carrying around scars from their own childhood and the divorce of their own parents. In our society divorce is very common and in many instances unavoidable. If that is the right choice for you then make sure you do everything in your power to help your children do more than just survive it.
